Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
