So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
