All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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