Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
