i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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