you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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