Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
