just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
