Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
