She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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