we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
