I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
