yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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