Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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