you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're a waste of cheezeits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
