Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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