Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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