Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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