At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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