dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
