my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
