Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
