At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
