So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
