You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
