Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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