If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
