why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
