Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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