dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
