We named our party play list daddy issues
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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