oh god the rape fog is back!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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