two words: eviction party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
