11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
