Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
