have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
