If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
