Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
