I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
