He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
