We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
