i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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