I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
