I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
