if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
