captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
