i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
