They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
