come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
