i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A+ Viking dick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
